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Old 09-22-2018, 01:41 PM   #1
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Patricia's Lions will maul the pathetic Patsies - DOOOMMMMEEEDDDD

I don't know where to start. The karma gods/fates/Big Bang went to town on the Pats last week after I did my best Benedict Arnold impression and betrayed the Patriots.

Of course, let's be honest. Even without my act of Britishness, the world's most overrated system quarterback/Head Coach combo would have lost. I just made it worse.

Well, folks, the Lions are going to open a humongous can of whuparse all over us, and it's one that's full of poo.

The Pats decide to receive. The first possession goes really badly and, to be honest, it only gets worse.

Against Patricia's all-Universe front seven, the Pats struggle as they are held to no gain on 3 runs by Rex Burkhead. On 4th and 10 from their own 1, Mr Arrogant Belichick haughtily decides to go for a 99 yard Field Goal. Stephen Gostkowski's attempt predictably falls short. The Lions' deep guy returns it 55 yards for a TD.

On the second drive, Brady is sacked for a safety. As the Lions' Ziggy Ansah lands on top of him, Brady is assessed for unsportsmanlike conduct by referee Godger Roodell. He is deemed to have rolled on to his back and to have played for a penalty.

Brady's foul-mouthed reply earns him an ejection. Rather than play Brian Hoyer, Belichick chooses to play without a QB.

The Lions' D, co-ordinated by HC Matt Patricia, have their wicked way as Burkhead, White and Michel are held to minus 500 yards and 20 fumbles. The D returns 10 of these for scores.

Stafford, Blount, Tate et al have a lot of fun at the expense of the Pats' D, which is utterly woeful. Stafford completes 45 of 45 for 1800 yards and 20 TDs. Blount pounds the D for 350 yards and 10 Scores.

Folks, it is going to be a long season.

Roaring Lions - 330
Pathetic Patsies - 0.
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Old 09-22-2018, 01:52 PM   #2
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Well, someone got the message.

Cheers
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Old 09-22-2018, 02:30 PM   #3
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The defense Matt Patricia created kept Brady form completing a pass during OTAs. That's right, not...one...single...pass! Every mathematician knows you subtract before you add, and Patricia is a math major. His 0-2 start was planned subtraction and now he will start adding wins, starting with this week, obviously. Matt Patricia knows the Lions' magic number is 10 wins. Since the Pats have no legitimate RB and only Gronk to catch passes, Patricia will use his brilliant 6-4 defense, 6 on the line and 4 on Gronk (it is no coincidence that 6+4=10). Brady will be sacked 6 times and turn the ball over 4 times. Again we see 6+4=10, brilliant! This will get ugly. We're fvcked.
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Old 09-23-2018, 03:17 AM   #4
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I expect the Lions to win by 60, but I am writing the final score in with a pencil (I borrowed it from Matt's ear) We can always change it later.
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Old 09-23-2018, 04:04 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by BostonTim View Post
Well, someone got the message.

Cheers
The transatlantic internet carrier pigeon was unaccountably slower than normal.
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Old 09-23-2018, 07:45 AM   #6
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Everyone knows that the NFL is run by the illuminati and games are scripted according to the secret language of Gematria. That requires no explanation.

So taking that as a given, what does Gematria tell us about this game? Well, "Matt" in Gematria is 9, and "Lions" is 23. So Matt + Lions should win on 9/23. Note that now they have two Matts, so in a tribute to that, the Lions will score 99 points.

Belichick was born on April 16th 1952, or 4 15 1952. If you rearrange those numbers, you get 9 45 12 51. Matt is 9, the reverse full ordinal of 'wins' is 45, the full reduction of 'Tom' is 12 (the initial hint that Tom was going to do well in his career) and the reverse full reduction of retires is 51. In other words, "Matt Wins Tom Retires". It's been in Belichick's DNA since the moment he was born.

The script is long written. It's time for the Patriot's reign to end and the dual Matts to rocket up to stardom. There is no fighting the illuminati. Final score 99-16.
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Old 09-23-2018, 11:51 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Giant Octopodes View Post
Everyone knows that the NFL is run by the illuminati and games are scripted according to the secret language of Gematria. That requires no explanation.

So taking that as a given, what does Gematria tell us about this game? Well, "Matt" in Gematria is 9, and "Lions" is 23. So Matt + Lions should win on 9/23. Note that now they have two Matts, so in a tribute to that, the Lions will score 99 points.

Belichick was born on April 16th 1952, or 4 15 1952. If you rearrange those numbers, you get 9 45 12 51. Matt is 9, the reverse full ordinal of 'wins' is 45, the full reduction of 'Tom' is 12 (the initial hint that Tom was going to do well in his career) and the reverse full reduction of retires is 51. In other words, "Matt Wins Tom Retires". It's been in Belichick's DNA since the moment he was born.

The script is long written. It's time for the Patriot's reign to end and the dual Matts to rocket up to stardom. There is no fighting the illuminati. Final score 99-16.
Awesome. Are you actually that Big Sky cat?

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Old 09-23-2018, 12:53 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Giant Octopodes View Post
Everyone knows that the NFL is run by the illuminati and games are scripted according to the secret language of Gematria. That requires no explanation.

So taking that as a given, what does Gematria tell us about this game? Well, "Matt" in Gematria is 9, and "Lions" is 23. So Matt + Lions should win on 9/23. Note that now they have two Matts, so in a tribute to that, the Lions will score 99 points.

Belichick was born on April 16th 1952, or 4 15 1952. If you rearrange those numbers, you get 9 45 12 51. Matt is 9, the reverse full ordinal of 'wins' is 45, the full reduction of 'Tom' is 12 (the initial hint that Tom was going to do well in his career) and the reverse full reduction of retires is 51. In other words, "Matt Wins Tom Retires". It's been in Belichick's DNA since the moment he was born.

The script is long written. It's time for the Patriot's reign to end and the dual Matts to rocket up to stardom. There is no fighting the illuminati. Final score 99-16.
Damn. That's pretty persuasive. We are so doomed.
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Old 09-24-2018, 08:51 AM   #9
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... turned out we were doomed
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Old 09-24-2018, 09:02 AM   #10
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Heh, the Karma thread title accurately described what actually happened fairly accurately. Hopefully we're just on a 2 game anomaly and they are able to right the ship. But things looked bad last night
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