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Old 05-05-2003, 04:55 PM   #16
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For me, all it takes is to be on a boat with Hawg73 to force me to liquidate my assets.
Case #1:
Hawg73, myself, and our friends George and Frank were on a week end sailing trip in Penobscot Bay in Maine. This had to be about 25 years ago. George owned a 26' boat that we loaded up with beer, weed, Doritos, and camping gear. We sailed to an uninhabited island, set up camp, got a nice driftwood blaze going, and spent the evening drinking and lighting our farts on fire.
When we awoke the next day, the pounding of our heads was matched by the pounding of the surf on the island's rocky shore. A howling gale whipped the normally placid bay into a foaming frenzy. Lacking sufficient functional neurons between the 4 of us to make a cogent decision, we pushed off from the island and set course for Rockport. Before we got the sail fully raised, the wind caught us and nearly capsized our tiny craft. George decided to reef the sails (which met with a response of something along the lines of "hey, reef THIS") but the force of the wind was still threatening to snap the shrouds. As we inched our way out to the center of the bay, we started hitting the monster waves. Think "Cheech and Chong" meet "The Perfect Storm" and that'll give you a pretty accurate picture of our predicament.
The choice became to stay on deck with Captain George and get pummelled every 5 seconds with tons of frigid sea water, or escape to the tiny cabin and get tossed against the walls. After a while, I chose the cabin. Frank had been hiding out down there for a while, and the roiling was taking its toll on him. He suddenly grabbed the cooler which had previously carried our beer, and began filling it with a vile chowder. I immediately sprang from the cabin gasping for fresh air. Hawg and I alternated between the cockpit and the cabin, unable to decide between death by drowning or by puke stench. After taking several more snootfulls of salty Atlantic, I'd had enough and descended again into the cabin of horror. The cooler was, by now, overflowing. Several inches of seawater mixed with spew sloshed around the bilges in the cabin. Each time the boat crashed against a wave, the hull would become airborne, then slam back down against the surface of the water. The force would cause the chunks of chum to fly about the cabin. Needless to say, it wasn't long before I began to contibute my own foul mixture of semi-digested Doritos and Hickory Farms beef stick into the bilge chowder.
At last, we rounded the jetty into Rockport Harbor. As soon as we did, the wind stopped, the sky turned from lead to blue. Seriously, it was as if God just flipped a switch and turned the storm off. George easily maneuvered the Costa Plente into the dock, and we all disembarked and threw ourselves onto the warm grass. We fired up a bone and passed it around in the sunshine to commemorate our survival; in no time we were back in high spirits. The contents of the cooler were tossed into the harbor. In those days, the famous Andre the seal was resident in Rockport Harbor during the summer months. He probably had a feast fit for a king as he gourged on the treasures that we had tossed up....which no doubt included a sizable portion of my spleen. As we strolled along the dock, we came upon a huge ocean going yaught. The crisp starched whites worn by the husband and wife owners of the massive craft stood in stark contrast to our vomit encrusted jeans and tee shirts. We struck up a conversation with them, and found that they were in the midst of a circumnavigation of the planet. "But not today", the husband announced in his Thurston Howell voice. "We've been listening to the weather radio, and it's far too rough out there!" We pointed out the tiny sailboat which had just carried us from the island. He damn near gakked on his caviar.

Case #2
I'll save the "Tale of the Booze Cruise" for another post. Better yet, maybe Hawg can tell that one. He probably remembers it better than me.

Last edited by dropKickMurphy; 05-05-2003 at 07:16 PM..
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Interesting premise, DkM. I felt though, that I had to edit it for now until we can decide if we really want that kind of graphic description of child porn and bestiality on the site. -- Undertaker #59
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Old 05-05-2003, 09:32 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally posted by dropKickMurphy
For me, all it takes is to be on a boat with Hawg73 to force me to liquidate my assets.
Case #1:
Hawg73, myself, and our friends George and Frank were on a week end sailing trip in Penobscot Bay in Maine. This had to be about 25 years ago...............
Best story yet DKM!! Possibly better than the nasty Penthouse vomit Forum story posted by Alice. I can't wait to hear about the booze cruise. Maybe one day, I'll tell of my rescue mission into the women's rest room at a humid Memphis pool hall to swoop Mrs Pookie off of the vile floor and bring her to the cool safety of the concrete gutter....

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Old 05-05-2003, 09:32 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally posted by dropKickMurphy

Case #2
I'll save the "Tale of the Booze Cruise" for another post. Better yet, maybe Hawg can tell that one. He probably remembers it better than me.
That was a fair recounting of our near death experience in Penobscot Bay. The thing that hangs with me is that I had my life flash in front of my eyes for about six hours.

I would also like to point out that I never got physically ill but was unhinged mentally from stark terror. I do remember bending down and kissing the ground in front of some lovely elderly women who were apparently on a bus tour that stopped at Rockport Harbor. I really did not care how it looked, I was damn glad to be on dry land again. That ocean can be some scary sh1t.

I also remembered how the Captain ordered me to attach the jib to the fore cleat so we could sail with just that, and I looked up at the foredeck which was totally awash in freezing black waves. I ummmmm..... objected strenuously and he insisted that if I didn't we would probably sink and die. Much profanity passed between us, and he ended up talking me into it. Not much choice.

I think I spent about 10 minutes in that vomitorium/cabin and that was more than enough for me.


The "booze cruise" happened when I had a great time on one in Boston Harbor with my work friends and decided to try it with dropkick, frank and my brother.

The swells in Boston Harbor were at least two or three inches that night and I have seen bumpier panes of glass, but Frank had a really weak stomach and he hurled over the rail violently while being observed with disgust by teams of teased-hair chippies from Southie and Medford. DropKick found this highly amusing and laughed uproariously at the misfortune of his close friend scant minutes before begging me to drag a trash barrel over to him so he could do likewise. I refused and made him stagger over to it himself. He made quite a spectacle of himself in the process.

His skin actually turned a pale shade of green. I had heard of such things, but never actually saw it until that night. Really.

My brother ralphed as well so it turned out 3 out of the 4 of us got sick. So much for booze cruises.

Just so I don't come off as immune to all of this, I did attend one a few years later with a different goup. It was supposed to be a mixed crowd, but on the appointed night, I was the only guy that showed with 8 girls, so I made myself scarce and tried to kill my embarassment with about 13 Black Russians.

At one point I tried to pick up a girl but was slurring my words badly and I got laughed off by the young lady. I fired off a snappy one-liner to try and sooth my wounded pride and spun around to make my big exit and my boots slipped on the wet deck and I landed flat on my ass in a puddle. She and her girlfriend wet themselves from laughing.

I capped off the night by walking right through a large gang fight and stopped at a sewer grate to purge myself of the nasty kahlua concoction which had earlier clouded my judgement.

As I bent at the waist to help improve my aim I saw both the contents of my stomach and my snazzy eyeglasses pass below the grate never to be seen again.

It was a very blurry drive home.
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Old 05-06-2003, 05:38 PM   #19
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I just heard a classic courtesy of my brother in law.

He was out bar hopping with his best buddy and they had gotten themselves bulletproof and were well on their way to invisible, when their ride decided that they were unmanageable and split on them.

They then managed to track down a couple of young shapelies they knew slightly who had wheels (he was single then) and they sweet talked the girls into giving them a ride back to their apartment.

He was riding in the back seat on the driver's side of her Volkswagen bug when he felt his stomach start to churn. He begged the long, auburn, wavy-haired driver to pull over but she was afraid of attracting the potential DUI attention of the local law and refused.

He continued to plead his case until the monster got too strong and would not stay in it's cage. His viscous gorge escaped his shocked mouth like a mighty river overflowing it's banks and hit the back of her head with near whiplash-inducing velocity. His buddy said that you could see the outline of her head on the inside of the windshield. The sheer volume of the torrent was described as nauseating, but an awesome thing to witness.

The driver screamed bloody murder and accused him of doing it on purpose, but it was a complete accident. She put him out of the car and he ended up running throught the streets of Fall River in abject humiliation.

His buddy - being a sub-standard wing man - let him go on his own - amazingly drunk on a very cold night - to try and score with the auburn one who was now badly in need of getting hosed down, but it would have taken Superman to pull that off.

Some people.
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Old 05-06-2003, 09:37 PM   #20
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Unhappy Oh Oh

Ah, memories. Yes, I heaved in school once in the 9th grade. We had shepards pie for lunch. I remember this, even though it was about 30 years ago. But, just like yesterday. Now, shepards pie, school style, had the usual corn, mashed potatoes, meat, and grease. Well, the bell rings at the end of the day, and I head for my locker. Yes, we all remember those days, don't we? I suddenly feel real sick. No problem, as my mouth wells up with 2-hours old corn, mashed potatoes, meat, oil, and digestive acids, I now face the bubbler. Thank God. Only one problem! My best buddy is getting a drink. It is winter time, and he has his then-fashionable orange goose-down jacket. Great for the cold weather. Poor Dave. I tried to let him know what was going on, but I can only make some wierd, muffled noises. Very muffled. And, he was getting a drink, so he probably couldn't hear me. Well, the next thing you know, old puke is in the air (sang like, Well next thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire), and I puked right on and all over his jacket. Everything. and being 14, he tried to punch me, and he said what the hell are you doing, you stupid sob. All I could say is Sorry, but I tried to tell you. I needed to puke in the bubbler, and you wouldn't move.
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Old 05-06-2003, 10:55 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hawg73

He continued to plead his case until the monster got too strong and would not stay in it's cage. His viscous gorge escaped his shocked mouth like a mighty river overflowing it's banks and hit the back of her head with near whiplash-inducing velocity.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
His buddy - being a sub-standard wing man - let him go on his own

OMG Hawg! I laughed. I cried. I gagged and wretched. What a funny frickin' story chief! Have you noticed that with each passing day, the posts in this thread are becoming more and more descriptive in their explaining the angle, force, or contents of the vomit?

Steve's visual of the shepard's pie made me cringe. I couldn't imagine the corn, ground beef and mashed (school style) potatoes making a hurried exit from my duodenum! Wonderfully yukky!
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Old 05-07-2003, 09:38 AM   #22
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Exclamation DISCLAMER: Gross content within

Pookie, I only wish my acidic shepard's pie exited through my anal sphinctor, instead of through my pyloric sphinctor. And boy, that bile in my duodenum was smokin'!
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Old 05-07-2003, 02:59 PM   #23
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Does nine continuous months of barfing morning, noon, and night, so that the memory is blended into one big puke fest count....?!

And yes, I even had a second child after all that!!


I'll give details of my most memorable hurls later... now, I'm off to the gym!
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Old 05-07-2003, 04:12 PM   #24
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Quote:
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Does nine continuous months of barfing morning, noon, and night, so that the memory is blended into one big puke fest count....?!
Great. Just when we thought we had a manly topic going here, you have to come along and remind us of what wimps we guys really are! Thanks for deflating our egos.
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Interesting premise, DkM. I felt though, that I had to edit it for now until we can decide if we really want that kind of graphic description of child porn and bestiality on the site. -- Undertaker #59
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Old 05-07-2003, 07:28 PM   #25
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DropKick just reminded me.

We have yet another cousin who was once the top salesman for a large computer company and won a vacation for he and his wife to stay at an actual castle in Italy.

One of the things his company did for him was provide them with a horse drawn carriage ride from the castle to a first class restaraunt where they filled up on pasta and a couple of bottles of wine.

They made it back to the Castle in one piece but they were climbing the stairs leading to their chamber when my cousin's wife began to get the cold sweats.

Fearing the worst, she told him that she couldn't make it and frantically looked for somewhere to deposit her steaming tummy custard.

To the rescue, my cousin removed the helmet from an genuine suit of armor and his wife inverted it and very delicately - since she is a lady, gacked into it.

Any port in a storm.
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Old 05-08-2003, 05:54 PM   #26
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Oh yeah, and you just reminded me

Just about 3 weeks ago, I barfed. Now, hear-ye hear-ye: will anyone admit that they have puked in the last 2 weeks? I was on vacation on Cape Cod (yeah, it's not the summer, but it was still okay), and at the end of a long drive, we stopped for some takeout to bring back to the condo. There was a Chinese place next to a pizza and sandwich joint. They (you know, my loved ones), picked the sandwich place. I got sweet and sour chicken from the Chinese resturant. Well, it was actually excellent. Not too greasy at all, and all white meat. It didn't even need the sauce. It was SO good. Just what the doctor ordered. Everybody liked it! No problems, definitely no heaving that night.

A couple of nights later, I'm getting bored, and I decide to get some more sweet and sour chicken. I wasn't feeling all that good that day. So, I drive off to find that Chinese place. But, right when I got to the main drag (route 28), I notice another Chinese place right there. ISN'T THIS AN EXCITING STORY? I ordered the chicken, some fried rice, and I forget what else. I went back to the condo. I don't think I was even hungry. What a friggin' pig. Well, I took out a piece of sweet and sour chicken, and took a bite. It kind of sucked. Very greasy, and tough breading. And the chicken was awful. But Steve had to eat some more, because, it's there. I pigged. YUMMY-not.

The next day, we drove off to the Cape Cod mall. Now I'm pretty much a jerk, in that, I have to drive. Oh, no, not my wife. That would be too much to take. As we are driving I said about 4 times "I don't feel very good". My wife said about 3 times, why don't you just pull over, and throw up? Do you want me to drive? Response: "No, I'm okay". We get to the mall, and I don't even go in. I just stayed in the car, and tried to feel better. They come back in about an hour and a half, and my daughter wants to go somewhere special. But my wife drives off and says "No, dad doesn't feel good, we're going back to the condo". So we get back, and (drumroll please!) I threw up for about five minutes. You know, like when it is very acidic, and it goes up your nose too, and you know it is going to sting, and your nasal passages will be all stuffed up for about 2 hours?

For everyones info, do not go to the Chinese place in Falmouth across from the Stop and Shop. You will pay
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Old 05-08-2003, 06:09 PM   #27
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One more time.....

Here's a good one. When I was about 12, my friend's parents drove us and another friend to Rocky Point. That is an amusement park in Warwick Rhode Island-great for kids. Everybody in Rhode Island since like 1920 knows about Rocky Point. It closed down a few years ago , though. Not enough customers, I guess.

We went on some rides, and had a good time. Then came the clam cakes and soda. Now these Rocky Point clamcackes were a staple there. You had to have some, with some chowder, or you can't really say or think that you went to Rocky Point. Now, isn't THIS a great, enthrawling story. But we all do know how it ends, don't we. You see, these clamcakes never had any clams in them, or at least only had this tiny, little, real hard bits of clams, maybe 5 per clamcake. No matter, let's all pig out.

As my friend's parents are driving home (only 20 minutes away), I'm sitting in the back seat. Remember Dave, from my school-puking story? Yup, He was there too. But he didn't get puked on this time. No, this time I said "I feel really sick, I think I'm going to throw up. Mr. Beetle (that's right, Mr. Beetle), Al's father, said "okay, just open up the window, and throw up!" I added the !, because if you are driving foward (or backwards) at about 35 mph, you don't really want anyone puking out your windows. Guess what? I threw up all over the back seat, and on myself! And Mr.and Mrs. Beetle actually said "that's alright Steve, we'll clean it up later". Nice people. And a never-forgotten story.

Fast foward to about 3-4 years later. You know how you and your friends may have had too much to drink on a constant basis, and puked in buckets, and stuff like that? Yup, that was me, Brian, Al and Dave.

And I am now a pillar of society, and a big Patriot's fan, to boot!
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Old 05-08-2003, 06:21 PM   #28
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Steve, don't worry about sharing your puke stories. They're fine. I liked the one from school in particular. There is something about the social pressure in a place like that which makes puking somehow good entertainment. It's the sheer relief that your story didn't happen to me that makes me enjoy reading it.

I got curious enough to see if there was any precedent on the web for this sort of thing, and sure enough there are bunches of sites that collect puke stories and in browsing around a bit the stories here put most of them to shame.

I'm mainly just happy that other people saw fit to participate in this godforsaken thread. Not one of my better ideas.
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Old 03-31-2007, 05:06 PM   #29
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Dallas 1993

After spending a miserable day at a trade show I decided to stop and enjoy the "Ballet" at the Million Dollar Saloon.

After many beers a young lady sat down and discovering she was a fellow former Umass Amherst student we hit it off big time.

Tequila shots followed and after a brief interlude in the parking lot I pointed the renal car toward the hotel. Heading up the Dallas Tollway I approached the booth fumbling for change....
The woman manning the booth watched with amusment as I searched then found the appropriate combination....I activated the power window but just as I was to pay the nut a wave of nausea hit and out poured a stream of pure Tequila puke filling the change basket.

As her expression turned from amused to horrified I recovered enough to smile and say......Keep the change


Disclaimer....you should never drink and drive
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Old 04-02-2007, 09:19 AM   #30
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EASTER BREAK 2002.

it was at my sister's looking after her house 4 a week while she went on vacation with her partner.so as the story goes my pal the nature boy(his nickname very very long story)came up with his usuall mix of poision's and asked if would like one of his party boy classic shakes so been the biggest dumbass ever i accepted.

he forget 2 tell me that he put in the following drinks

brandy
martini(horrible drink)
vodka
a touch of malt whisky
orange(how nice of him)
and the finally milk

so i went a head and drunk it

lets just say after i drunk it i hit the floor straight away,and according 2 my friend woke up in a hospital bed,i still cant remember what happened 2 this very day.


CHILDREN DO NOT AND I REPEAT DO NOT DRINK.
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