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Old 03-10-2003, 09:47 PM   #46
Hawg73
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Quote:
Originally posted by pookie
That's good Peg.....

But don't you hate when you're having a Pampered Chef party and Rover shows up with what he just plucked from your pajama drawer???
Pook,

You won't believe it, but my wife had a Pampered Chef party tonight and I came home (deliberately late) and saw this post. I shared it with the girls that were still here and they all got a big kick out of it.
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Old 03-10-2003, 09:54 PM   #47
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hawg73
Pook,

You won't believe it, but my wife had a Pampered Chef party tonight and I came home (deliberately late) and saw this post. I shared it with the girls that were still here and they all got a big kick out of it.
What a co-inkydink. Mrs Pookie is going to a Pampered Chef thingy tomorrow night....that's what made that pop into my head. Maybe I can get another F'ing $37 can opener. Yay!
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Old 03-11-2003, 10:32 AM   #48
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John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night! He went home
and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church
beside me wife."

"Oh that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street
corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize, the other
night, with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye and I was a bit
surprised me self! You know, he's only been there twice! Once he fell
asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
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Interesting premise, DkM. I felt though, that I had to edit it for now until we can decide if we really want that kind of graphic description of child porn and bestiality on the site. -- Undertaker #59
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Old 03-12-2003, 11:34 AM   #49
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A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became
friends.

Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought turkey sandwiches every day!
This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a turkey sandwich.

He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating turkey, don't you like it
anymore?" She said, "I love it, but I have to stop eating it."
Why?" he said. She pointed to her lap and said, "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"

"Let me see" he said.

"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said "That's right you are, better not eat any more turkey."

He kept eating his turkey sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating turkey. I'm starting to get feathers down there too." She asked if she could look so he pulled down his pants for her.

She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you, you've already got the neck and gizzards!!!"
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Old 03-12-2003, 06:19 PM   #50
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A 90 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.

"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."
The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No".

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.
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Old 03-12-2003, 08:45 PM   #51
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Oh, my Gawd!... :)

... I just read the Rover/Pampered Chef thing, Pook...

That was really embarrassing, yet incredibly funny!...

Or as you would say: "Oy!"

BTW--Thanks for sharing this little ditty, Hawg...

Just remember what pay-back is, my friends!
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Old 03-13-2003, 06:16 PM   #52
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Re: Oh, my Gawd!... :)

Quote:
Originally posted by Peg
That was really embarrassing, yet incredibly funny!...
Embarrassing? Are we to assume that you have personal experience with this? Has little Teddy Bear been digging up a skeleton or two in the bone closet?
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Old 03-13-2003, 07:17 PM   #53
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Hmmm... Can I take the fifth on that one?!... (Those dang Springer Spaniels are too smart for their own good--or mine, for that matter!) LOL!

This reminds me of a birthday card that I gave someone once... It had a picture of an adorable tri-colored Springer, like my Teddy Bear on the front of it and said, "I made you something for your birthday!"
On the inside it read, "It's in the back yard!"

Hee-hee!
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Old 03-16-2003, 12:11 PM   #54
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Talking

This one is dedicated to Pookie and to anyone else who is in "Management"...

Several cannibals were hired by a big corporation. "You're part of a team now," said the CEO, welcoming them. "Please don't ruin things by eating any of your colleagues."
The cannibals promised, but a month later the CEO came to them. "Everyone is happy with your work. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals all shook their heads. After the boss left, the leader turned to his tribesmen and said, "You fools! For weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed. Who's the idiot who went and ate a secretary?"
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Old 03-17-2003, 10:21 PM   #55
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Quote:
Originally posted by Peg
This one is dedicated to Pookie and to anyone else who is in "Management"...

Several cannibals were hired by a big corporation. "You're part of a team now," said the CEO, welcoming them. "Please don't ruin things by eating any of your colleagues."
The cannibals promised, but a month later the CEO came to them. "Everyone is happy with your work. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals all shook their heads. After the boss left, the leader turned to his tribesmen and said, "You fools! For weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed. Who's the idiot who went and ate a secretary?"
Thanks Peg. But there's no such thing as an secretary anymore. They're called Administrative Assistants.... and speaking for my company, I wouldn't go near any of them with a 10 foot pole, forget about eating them! Blech.
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Old 03-17-2003, 10:33 PM   #56
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Quote:
Originally posted by pookie
.... and speaking for my company, I wouldn't go near any of them with a 10 foot pole, forget about eating them! Blech.
Glad to see it's not just my company. I thought we held the exclusive rights for fugly admins. ;)
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Old 03-17-2003, 10:51 PM   #57
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Quote:
Originally posted by Patman12
Glad to see it's not just my company. I thought we held the exclusive rights for fugly admins. ;)
I think ugliness and perpetual bad breath are a prerequisite. God forbid there was actually something pleasing to the eye at work. Ya know it just isn't fair, especially with the likes of us ravaging, good looking men walking around!!


Last edited by pookie; 03-18-2003 at 12:24 AM..
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Old 03-18-2003, 07:15 AM   #58
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Quote:
Originally posted by pookie
I think ugliness and perpetual bad breath are a prerequisite. God forbid there was actually something pleasing to the eye at work. Ya know it just isn't fair, especially with the likes of us ravaging, good looking men walking around!!
I think part of the problem is the concern for sexual harasment, even if its just a perception.

About 7 years ago, I worked for a small company that was headed by a Parisian, a Mexican and a Honduran (sounds like the beginning of a joke). These guys didn't give a damn about sexual harasment laws. They came from cultures where "appreciating" the beauty of a female was accepted. Every woman who worked in this place was young and gorgeous. Needless to say, attendance by the male workers was not an issue. Most got in early. I sometimes run into some former co-workers and that's the first topic that comes up when we talk about the old days.
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Old 03-22-2003, 08:37 PM   #59
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Methinks that you guys missed the whole point about the fact that the Managers were NOT missed! LOL!

Oh, well--Let's try & lighten things up around here...

God populated the Earth with vegetables of all kinds, so that Man would live a long & healthy life.
And Satan created the 99-cent double cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "Want fries with that?"
And Man said, "Supersize them!" And Man gained pounds.
And God created healthful yogurt, and Satan froze the yogurt and brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored candy to put on top. And Man gained more pounds.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV, remote control and potato chips. And Man clutched his remote and ate his chips. Satan saw this and said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created HMOs...
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Old 03-25-2003, 08:29 PM   #60
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Subject: Men, Women--from a man's perspective...


I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. I never yet have figured out how the "sexual desire gene" gets thrown into a state of turmoil when one utters the words, "I do."

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??????" So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dread. She explains that I must not be in tune with her "emotional needs" as a woman. I'm thinking "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing was going to "happen" that night, so I went to sleep.

The very next day we went shopping at a big chain department store. I walked around with her while she tried on three different, very expensive outfits. She could not decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes, worth $200.00 a pair, to which I say ok. Then we go to the jewelry department,where she gets a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you - she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet, because she does not even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was ok.

She was almost sexually excited from all of this, and you should have seen her face when she said "I'm ready to go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey, I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face. It went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."

I figure that I won't be having sex again until sometime after the Spring of 2008.
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