View Full Version : OT:The Official Muse Super Thread
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
no1jag
07-01-2008, 02:17 PM
Do you like my avatar?
Do you like my avatar?
no wonder she is ticked at you
king of kings
07-01-2008, 02:21 PM
Nice thread muse i would put a question here but i can not think of one off the top of my head at the moment.
Nice thread muse i would put a question here but i can not think of one off the top of my head at the moment.
Thanks my friend, well anytime you feel to add anything a picture a video a thought a word a joke a song, feel free okay
Good to see you , been to long KOK
king of kings
07-01-2008, 02:48 PM
here a joke for you muse
God asks Peyton Manning first: "What do you believe?"
> >> Peyton thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says,
> >> "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I
> >> believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my
> >> fans."
> >>
> >> God can't help but see the essential goodness of Manning, and offers
> >> him a
> >> seat to his left.
> >>
> >> Then God turns to Tony Romo and says, "What do you believe?"
> >>
> >> Tony says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the
> >> fundamentals of life. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've
> >> al
> >> ways tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing
> >> fields."
> >>
> >> God is greatly moved by Tony's sincere eloquence, and he offers him a
> >> seat
> >> to his right.
> >>
> >> Finally, God turns to Tom Brady: "And you, Tom, what do you believe?"
> >>
> >> Tom replies, "I believe you're in my seat."
Oh crap, that is funny King, woohoo thank you:)
BY1401
07-01-2008, 02:59 PM
For my 68th post in here, I'd like to put up something that made me rophull earlier today:
http://homepage.mac.com/leperous/.Pictures/undergod.jpg
man that was in your face made me step back hehe
no1jag
07-01-2008, 03:03 PM
Nice thread muse i would put a question here but i can not think of one off the top of my head at the moment.
There is a questions only thread for questions. Sorry Muse had to pimp my thread in your thread while still getting another post for it.:)
easycome_easygo
07-01-2008, 03:03 PM
Do you like my avatar?
HELLLLLLL NO!
There is a questions only thread for questions. Sorry Muse had to pimp my thread in your thread while still getting another post for it.:)
I actually thought of your thread, why don't you bump it up?
easycome_easygo
07-01-2008, 03:05 PM
I actually thought of your thread, why don't you bump it up?
He can bump up his thread after he changes his avatar:toast:
He can bump up his thread after he changes his avatar:toast:
TG asked me to tell him to do this and I passed along the message
tommysgirl
07-01-2008, 03:06 PM
He can bump up his thread after he changes his avatar:toast:
You tell him VYF..we're mad at him too!
no1jag
07-01-2008, 03:07 PM
You tell him VYF..we're mad at him too!
I'll change my avatar when you delete the tarp website from my visitor profile messages.:harumph:
Wait a minute I thought I was on ignore and you can't see my post?!?!?
What if it is to late to edit it out, what if it won't allow her to do that?
no1jag
07-01-2008, 03:11 PM
What if it is to late to edit it out, what if it won't allow her to do that?
Then it's to late to remove the avatar:harumph:
Hey Muse don't tell TG but I won't have it there much longer I can't stand that skank. But I don't want TG to think I'm sucking up. Keep that between us though. Ok?
BY1401
07-01-2008, 03:12 PM
For the post after my 68th post:
...I think you all know where I'm going with this...
http://www.interstate-guide.com/images051/i-069_ms_st_01.jpg
Then it's to late to remove the avatar:harumph:
Hey Muse don't tell TG but I won't have it there much longer I can't stand that skank. But I don't want TG to think I'm sucking up. Keep that between us though. Ok?
No problem, I can keep secrets and good at my word:thumb:
For the post after my 68th post:
...I think you all know where I'm going with this...
http://www.interstate-guide.com/images051/i-069_ms_st_01.jpg
perfect just perfect :)
tommysgirl
07-01-2008, 03:17 PM
This poster sucks
he sure does
But does he do it well? Do we care? Do we really want to know? Will we get sick if we knew the answer?
no1jag
07-01-2008, 03:39 PM
I think no1jag is the best poster on the whole board. And his avatar ROCKS
See know you can proclaim to the world that you wrongfully attacked and put me on your list.:toast:
boy oh boy jag you are asking for it aren't you (steps back)
tommysgirl
07-01-2008, 03:41 PM
I am an idiot who roots for a team that will be in LA in 5 years
Damn! That's harsh dude.
BY1401
07-01-2008, 03:43 PM
Fights just make t3h makeup sehks that much hotter.
At least, that's what I've heard.
no1jag
07-01-2008, 03:45 PM
Jag forget about VYF and come on over to the dark side.
woohoo
tommysgirl
07-01-2008, 03:46 PM
woohooI actually woke up with wood this morning! First time in months!
Good for you!
PatrietteAz
07-01-2008, 04:03 PM
This planet is one horndog heaven. Jeez people! :)
This planet is one horndog heaven. Jeez people! :)
popcorn?
PatrietteAz
07-01-2008, 04:05 PM
popcorn?
LOL there are at least three or more threads all about sex going right now or with sexual inuendo.:)
LOL there are at least three or more threads all about sex going right now or with sexual inuendo.:)
Heck UT broke a thread up so throbbing would have its own thread
I think people are in good spirits today, what do you think ?
Undertaker #59
07-01-2008, 04:17 PM
Heck UT broke a thread up so throbbing would have its own thread
More the other way. I didn't want to have a semi-related football thread get so hijacked as there are so few good football threads this time of year.
PatrietteAz
07-01-2008, 04:20 PM
More the other way. I didn't want to have a semi-related football thread get so hijacked as there are so few good football threads this time of year.
Yeah that one thread I mean.. I thought if someone logged on here the first time they would think it was a sex BB.:)
I am glad people are happy..damn you all.;) JUST kidding..
The man has a point, that is why UT is the Boss
:)
PatrietteAz
07-01-2008, 04:35 PM
The man has a point, that is why UT is the Boss
:)
When are you off for your fun filled evening?
no1jag
07-01-2008, 05:09 PM
I must ask forgiveness for my mean and hurtful words towards no1jag today. The truth is I am just upset because though I love the term I have never actually experienced vaginathrob myself.
Glad I was able to get this quote before you erased it. TG I was just kidding around with the whole avatar thing. You didn't have to pour your heart out here. I'll change the avatar if it makes you feel better. Oh and you didn't have to go and change your username as your apology to me.
tommysgirl
07-01-2008, 07:37 PM
Glad I was able to get this quote before you erased it. TG I was just kidding around with the whole avatar thing. You didn't have to pour your heart out here. I'll change the avatar if it makes you feel better. Oh and you didn't have to go and change your username as your apology to me.
ROFL You're forgiven.
I just got back from the movies Paz
I just got back from the movies Paz
What did you watch?
Hancock :) , most excellent :thumb:
Hancock :) , most excellent :thumb:
Thanks muse... You kinda made my mind up now...
Think i will check that out:)
Your welcome. It is better then I expected, there is some CGI but not as much as I thought, and while I am already adoring Will Smith, he was the perfect person for this part he really was. The movie was fun and serious and tender and a hell of alot of fun :) I think you will like it much P4E :thumb:
Your welcome. It is better then I expected, there is some CGI but not as much as I thought, and while I am already adoring Will Smith, he was the perfect person for this part he really was. The movie was fun and serious and tender and a hell of alot of fun :) I think you will like it much P4E :thumb:
Yeah... Think i'll defo go and watch it now.. The GF has being going on about it..
Will pretty much rocks!
bmooney54
07-01-2008, 09:25 PM
86% of all statistics are made up.
king of kings
07-02-2008, 12:02 AM
here another joke i know
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen!"
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 1P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust,
And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 9 P.M .
He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.
Amen!"
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
"My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night."
86% of all statistics are made up.
Is this one made up?ROFL
here another joke i know
You got pregnant last night."
Oh man a great joke to wake up to, thanks king:thumb:
Just got back from my walk a really great walk, came home and hubby put a gift in my purse for me to find later, a gift just cause gift.
Don't you love just cause gifts?
Good good mood feelings at the moments
word of the day
reify • \RAY-uh-fye\ • verb
: to regard (something abstract) as a material or concrete thing : to give definite content and form to (something abstract)
Example Sentence:
"He describes the phenomenal popularity of Edwin Markham's proletarian poem 'The Man With the Hoe,' which reified labor's feelings of injustice." (Neal Gabler, The Washington Post, February 18, 1996)
Thought of the day
"To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle." - George Orwell
daily amount of stupid facts
Charles Manson and Hitler were both vegetarians.
Food takes twenty-four hours to complete its 30-foot path through your body.
Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down.
The only man-made structure visible from space is the Great Wall of China.
The word "Cranky" comes from the fact that early automobiles were crank started. Someone having trouble starting their car was certainly cranky.
A coat hanger is 44 inches (111.76 cm) long when straightened.
Deborah Winger did the voice of E.T.
Kelsey Grammar sings and plays the piano for the theme song of Fraiser.
Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets in our solar system combined.
The Roman emperor Caligula once made his horse a senator.
Queen Elizabeth I owned at least 100 wigs in her lifetime.
The White House was originally gray. The mansion was burned during the War of 1812. When it was rebuilt after the war, it was painted white to hide the smoke stains.
The Cleveland Indians baseball team used to be called the Cleveland Spiders.
The United States bought Alaska from Russia for $7,200,000 in 1867.
my shout out today is to Aerosmith
I don't wanna miss a Thing
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Crazy
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Crying
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One of my favs by them
Dream On
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Pink
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Dude(looks like a lady), another favs :)
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Janie's Got a Gun
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Sweet Emotion
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Jaded
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Amazing
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Come Together
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Full Circle
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Draw the Line
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bmooney54
07-02-2008, 07:41 AM
Your brain is 80% water.
Beer is 80% water, coincidence???
Love in an Elevator
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Beer is 80% water, coincidence???
ROFL good one bmooney:thumb:
Useless information
In chess, there are 169,518,829,100,544,000,000,000,000,000 ways to play the first ten moves.
It only takes 7 pounds of pressure to rip your ear off.
$26 billion in ransom has been paid out in the U.S. in the past 20 years.
You use more calories eating celery than there are in the celery itself.
On average, there are 178 sesame seeds on each McDonalds BigMac bun.
and the are all in my yard
------------------
There are 1 million ants for every person in the world.
mikiemo83
07-02-2008, 07:51 AM
Drink ’till she’s cute, but stop before the wedding
Odds of being killed by a dog - 1 in 700,000.
Odds of dying while in the bath tub - 1 in 1 million.
Odds of being killed by space debris - 1 in 5 billion.
Odds of being killed by poisoning - 1 in 86,000.
Odds of being killed by freezing - 1 in 3 million.
mikiemo83
07-02-2008, 07:52 AM
pick up lines of the not so lucky
I’ve heard sex is a killer. Want to die happy?
Excuse me, but I’m new in town, can I have directions to your place?
Can I buy you a drink - or would you just prefer the five bucks?
I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.
I wish I were a tear so i could start in your eyes, live on your face, and die on your lips.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
Am I cute enough yet? Or do you need more to drink?
You must be the reason for global warming because you’re hot.
You know what would look great on you? Me.
Can I read your T shirt in brail?
Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.
You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.
I think I need to call heaven because they’ve lost one of their angels.
Is your name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get!
Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I’m here after.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.
The body is made up of 90% water and I’m thirsty.
Baby you must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night!
Are you an overdue book? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you!
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice- can I get your number?
I have Skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?
That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
You know, winning the lottery doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.
If I had a garden I’d put your tulips and my tulips together.
What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.
If you were a new sandwich at Mcdonalds, you’de be called McGorgeous.
All those curves! And me with no brakes!
Can I even get a fake number?
You’ll do.
Odds of being killed by lightening - 1 in 2 million.
pick up lines of the not so lucky
Can I even get a fake number?
You’ll do.[/i]
oh dang, great stuff mikiemo:thumb:
Drink ’till she’s cute, but stop before the wedding
reason for alot of divorces perhaps huh :)
Odds of being killed in a car crash - 1 in 5,000.
Odds of being killed in a tornado - 1 in 2 million.
Odds of being killed by falling out of bed - 1 in 2 million.
Odds of being killed in a plane crash -1 in 25 million.
If you played all of the Beatles' singles and albums that came out between 1962 and 1970 back to back, it would only last for 10 hours and 33 minutes.
Termites eat through wood 2 times faster when listening to rock music.
The Apollo 11 only had 20 seconds of fuel when it landed.
13 people are killed each year by vending machine's falling on them.
There is a 1/4 pound of salt in every gallon of seawater.
A rich lady from California, who was a tree hugger and a vociferous anti- hunter, purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.
In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest country doctor. Being a hunter himself, the doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her.
She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded, What took you so long? He smiled and then told her, Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area and I am sorry, because they all turned me down!!
A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer starts with the basics.
"So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.
"And can you tell us your height, please?"
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!"
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup.
"Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"
The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "MANDY!"
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks -
"What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?"
"Ohhhh, that!" replies the airhead...
" I was just running through that song -
'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...' "
The phone call...
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said,
"How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
Curious, the husband said, "Who was that?"
And his lovely wife replies, "I don't any idea who it was.
It was some stupid woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."
The Tearful Bride...
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him."
"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."
"No, mother," you don't understand.
"I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!"
"Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom.
"Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said -
'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska!"
New Inventions by blonds
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chairs
Water proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alchohol
Reusable ice cubes
See through tiolet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
Helicopter ejector seat
A blond died her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on,
She was driving along the countryside when she got a bright idea and stopped at a nearby farm. she said to the farmer "If i can tell you how many sheep you have in total can I have one?"
"ok" said the farmer, so she quickly counted them and said 91. The farmer looked around astonished and said "alright take one"
As she was walking back to her car the farmer said "If i can guess your natural hair colour can i have my dog back?"
Day1:
A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,"We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"
Day 2:
"We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"
Day 3:
"We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I'm a 36DD. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "No dear, it's because your 25.
There are 3 people standing in front of a magic mirror. The mirror gives you anything you desire if you tell it the truth, but you disappear if you lie. The first person to talk to the mirror was a very fat brunette. She walked up to the mirror and said "I think I am the thinnest person in the world." and poof, the mirror gobbled her up. The next person to come up to the mirror was a very ugly red head. She told the mirror "I think I am the prettiest person in the world" and poof, the mirror gobbled her up. Lastly came the blonde. She walked up to the mirror and said "I think..." and poof, the mirror gobbled her up.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday??
A: Tell them a joke on Wednesday!!
For the record I was born blond though not blond any longer but oh vay do I act it at times
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?" The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."
I was born blonde too!
Nearly there muse!
I was born blonde too!
Nearly there muse!
Wow you and me have another thing in common woohoo
VYF I won't catch up but hope I am making ya proud :)
easycome_easygo
07-02-2008, 10:27 AM
On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents every day.
:eek:
easycome_easygo
07-02-2008, 10:27 AM
VYF I won't catch up but hope I am making ya proud :)
I'm ALWAYS proud of you. :heart:
red neck jokes
it is 10:00 at the police station and there is only 2 officers working that day...Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo.
billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?
billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>
...now its 11:00 at the police station...
billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?
billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>
...now its midnight... and the power goes out...!!
billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?
billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>
wait?! billy-bob thats not my belly-button.
billy-bob: i know...:> and thats not my finger!! :>
I'm ALWAYS proud of you. :heart:
:heart:
So In Love
Audience: Adult Humor Rating: 1 1 1 1 Category: Redneck Type: Stories
CLICK TO E-MAIL Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.
"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.
"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."
"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"
"Baaaaa..."
Ride 'em Cowboy
Ed and Ted went to the fair. They came across a small crowd gathered around a stall and went over to take a look. "What's going on?" Ed asked one of the crowd.
"We're watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine," he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. "Nobody has managed to stay on for the full three minutes yet. And there's a prize of $1000 for anybody who can.
"I can do that!" Ed said confidently.
"No you can't," said Ted.
"I sure as hell can!" said Ed.
"You'll get yourself killed if you try and ride that monster," said Ted.
"Watch this," said Ed and climbed aboard the bronco machine.
The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles but still a grim-faced Ed clung to its back. After two minutes the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until Ed was a blur. But when the three minutes were up Ed was still on the machine's back acknowledging the cheers and cries from the small crowd.
He dismounted, collected his winnings and rejoined Ted. "Where in hell did you learn to ride a bucking bronco like that!?" Ted asked.
"Remember three months ago," Ed said...
"When my wife had whooping cough...?"
Some men in a pickup truck drove to a lumber yard.
One of the men walked into the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned shortly and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a moment and said, "I'd better go check."
After a while, he returned to the office and said, -
"A long time. We're gonna build a house..."
Even more clues you could be a Redneck...
You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You've ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.
You think the Bud Bowl is real.
Your dog goes "oink!"
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
You know how to milk a goat.
Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache.
Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
You've ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.
Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
You have a refrigerator just for beer.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.
You've ever worn cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
You don't think baseball players spit and scratch too much.
You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve yourselves.
The most common phrase heard in your house is, "Somebody go jiggle the handle."
You can't take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants.
Before heading south for a vacation, it may be a good idea to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters. And we're here to help...
Hah Tu Spek Suthun:
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I taint herd from him in munts."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"
TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."
RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."
FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
JU-HERE - a question.
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"
HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"
GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"
You're a redneck if...
-You have more fingers than you do teeth
-You cut your grass and find a car
-You consider Denny's a Fancy Resturant
-Your best Suit contains more than 5 colors
-Your age is higher than your I.Q.
-Your favorite pickup line is "Does this look infected to you?"
-You ask your wife wheather the spot on your neck is a boil or a mole and she replies "Its a gummy bear."
-You have a family reunion and everyone in town shows up.
-You say "Watch this" everytime before you goto the hospital.
-Your wife and ex-wife are sisters.
easycome_easygo
07-02-2008, 10:32 AM
SIGNS YOU'RE AT A WEDDING IN TENNESSEE
* The rehearsal dinner is held at Hooters.
* Instead of "friends of the bride or friends of the groom?", ushers ask "Ford or Chevy?"
* Bridesmaids wear pink tube tops and the groomsmen wear Travis Tritt t-shirts.
* Phrase "I Do" is replaced by "I Heard That!"
* Tender rendition of "The Wedding Song" is replaced by "Rocky Top" and performed by Boxcar Willie.
* When the minister asks, "Who Giveth This Woman To Be Married..." some guy in the back stands up and hollers "Earnhardt!"
* Reception conversation includes the phrase, "Been to Dollywood lately, Earl?"
* Snack trays and beverages at reception include vienna sausages (smoked, of course), nacho cheese Doritos and grandma's own moonshine.
* Plans for the Honeymoon evening include tickets to the Monster Truck Show.
* The sign in front of the church reads: No Shirt...No Shoes...No Problem!
SIGNS YOU'RE AT A WEDDING IN TENNESSEE
* The rehearsal dinner is held at Hooters.
* Instead of "friends of the bride or friends of the groom?", ushers ask "Ford or Chevy?"
* Bridesmaids wear pink tube tops and the groomsmen wear Travis Tritt t-shirts.
* Phrase "I Do" is replaced by "I Heard That!"
* Tender rendition of "The Wedding Song" is replaced by "Rocky Top" and performed by Boxcar Willie.
* When the minister asks, "Who Giveth This Woman To Be Married..." some guy in the back stands up and hollers "Earnhardt!"
* Reception conversation includes the phrase, "Been to Dollywood lately, Earl?"
* Snack trays and beverages at reception include vienna sausages (smoked, of course), nacho cheese Doritos and grandma's own moonshine.
* Plans for the Honeymoon evening include tickets to the Monster Truck Show.
* The sign in front of the church reads: No Shirt...No Shoes...No Problem!
I knew I could count on you for a post like this
:thumb:
You might be a redneck...
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easycome_easygo
07-02-2008, 10:34 AM
You know you’re from Tennessee if:
1. You measure distance in minutes.
2. You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
3. You use “fix” as a verb. Example: “I’m fixing to go to the store
4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
6. You know what a “VOL” is.
7. You carry jumper cables in your car…for your OWN car.
11. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday
12. You find 100 degrees fahrenheit “a little warm”.
13. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
14. You know whether another Tennessean is from east, west or middle Tennessee as soon as they open their mouth.
15. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as”goin’ Wal-martin” or off to “Wally World”.
16. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
17. A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola or pop…it’s a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: “What kinda coke you want?”
18. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
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Oh my gosh VYF that is funny:)
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This freaken bites. The game I was so hoping to see in 2009 is not going to be near me like I expected. Not a big deal for people who live in the area and can see the Pats but for me it is a big deal.
Oh well
This is my mood
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Brady's Bunch
07-02-2008, 10:49 AM
all hail muse
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all hail muse
hi sweetie pie
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easycome_easygo
07-02-2008, 10:50 AM
You are almost there!!!
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Brady's Bunch
07-02-2008, 10:51 AM
I have never seen such post whorish-ness in my life
I have never seen such post whorish-ness in my life
is that good or bad?
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Brady's Bunch
07-02-2008, 10:54 AM
is that good or bad?
not good unless u are posting hawt pics
not good unless u are posting hawt pics
That is Ras department:thumb:
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more pissed off videos
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mason sand
http://www.pioneerasphaltinc.com/images/RockGallery/Mason%20Sand.JPG
blend sand
http://www.pioneerasphaltinc.com/images/RockGallery/McNarySnd.JPG
river sand
http://www.pioneerasphaltinc.com/images/RockGallery/TylrSnd.JPG
pea gravelhttp://www.pioneerasphaltinc.com/images/RockGallery/PeaGrvl.JPG
decorative
http://www.pioneerasphaltinc.com/images/RockGallery/1hlf_3qtrBrdmn.JPG
drain rock
http://www.pioneerasphaltinc.com/images/RockGallery/InchHlfDrain.JPG
cobble stone
http://www.pioneerasphaltinc.com/images/RockGallery/Cobble.JPG
crushed concrete rocks
http://www.pioneerasphaltinc.com/images/RockGallery/3qtrConc.JPG
Red rock medium
http://www.pioneerasphaltinc.com/images/RockGallery/Red%20Rock.JPG
buck shot
http://www.pioneerasphaltinc.com/images/RockGallery/BckShotHand.JPG
AC rock
http://www.pioneerasphaltinc.com/images/RockGallery/qtrMinusAC.JPG
crush rocks
http://www.pioneerasphaltinc.com/images/RockGallery/3qrtMinusHand.JPG
farmer's rock
http://www.pioneerasphaltinc.com/images/RockGallery/InchHlfFarmers.JPG
not a clue on this one
pit run material
http://www.pioneerasphaltinc.com/images/RockGallery/PitRun.JPG
recycled asphalt
http://www.pioneerasphaltinc.com/images/RockGallery/RecyclAC.JPG
Brady's Bunch
07-02-2008, 11:11 AM
i love rocks
fill dirt and top soil
http://www.pioneerasphaltinc.com/images/RockGallery/FillDirt.JPG
Miscomplaints
In a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."
In a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk."
In a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: "Drop your trousers here for best results."
In a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."
In a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions."
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."
In the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other diseases."
PatrietteAz
07-02-2008, 11:32 AM
Those are SO funny Muse.:)
I saw a mis named chiropractic office in TUcson yesterday..somehow "Backfire Chiropractic" just didn't sit quite right with me.:)
Those are SO funny Muse.:)
I saw a mis named chiropractic office in TUcson yesterday..somehow "Backfire Chiropractic" just didn't sit quite right with me.:)
I agree, I am reading them then laughing then mis copying and pasting for they are funny :)
PatrietteAz
07-02-2008, 11:33 AM
In the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other diseases."
LMAO..nice. :)
LMAO..nice. :)
How are you today Paz?
king of kings
07-02-2008, 11:34 AM
my first time shooting a gun in OHIO
http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/cc192/Patsfan1980/DSC00448.jpg
my first time shooting a gun in OHIO
http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/cc192/Patsfan1980/DSC00448.jpg
how many states have you shot a gun King?
king of kings
07-02-2008, 11:36 AM
Hi King Hi Paz:)
hey muse
king of kings
07-02-2008, 11:37 AM
how many states have you shot a gun King?
none that was my fisrt time ever shooting a gun . they went me fire three shots. I was in grandville ohio. whenb they let me fire the ar-15
none that was my fisrt time ever shooting a gun . they went me fire three shots. I was in grandville ohio. whenb they let me fire the ar-15
what made you decide to do it then ?
king of kings
07-02-2008, 11:42 AM
Easy my two friends are retired army infinity men. they said i could shot three shots. the day was planed around them shooting.
http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/cc192/Patsfan1980/DSC00441.jpg
some ah interesting grave stones
Liberty, Humanity, Justice, Equality Susan Brownell Anthony (Mount Hope Cemetery; Rochester, New York)
The mortal remains of Ethan Allen, fighter, writer, statesman, and philosopher, lie in this cemetery beneath the marble statue. His spirit is in Vermont now. Ethan Allen (Greenmount Cemetery; Burlington, Vermont)
Wife-Mother-Actress-Author The world will remember. Eve Arden (Westwood Memorial Park; Westwood, California)
"That's All Folks!" The Man of a Thousand Voices Mel Blanc (Hollywood Memorial Park; Hollywood, California)
Truth and History. 21 Men. The Boy Bandit King -- He Died As He Lived. William H. Bonney "Billy the Kid" (Fort Sumner Cemetery; Fort Sumner New Mexico).
Sleep with a smile. Sammy Cahn (Westwood Memorial Park; Westwood, California)
A star on earth - a star in heaven Karen Carpenter (Forest Lawn; Cyprus, California)
PatrietteAz
07-02-2008, 11:44 AM
How are you today Paz?
Eh..not too shabby I suppose. Feeling blase blase.
You?
Sleep after toyle, port after stormie seas, Ease after warre, death after life, does greatly please. Joseph Conrad (St. Thomas Church; Canterbury, England)
Eh..not too shabby I suppose. Feeling blase blase.
You?
I was feeling dayum good, had a great walk, hubby bought me a just cause gift and placed it in my purse for me to find awww what a sweetie pie
Found out the Pats are playing the Panthers at home not in Charlotte:banghead::banghead::banghead:
Just found out so trying not to get to down on it, I know it is silly to get down about this but I am, was so excited to go to this game in 2009, guess don't place hopes on something that far down the line huh
So a mixed day
king of kings
07-02-2008, 11:46 AM
it was a great trip did some shooting. went to King Ilasland and rode roller coasters. went to the columbus zoo , did Drunk bowling. It was a great trip to Ohio.
it was a great trip did some shooting. went to King Ilasland and rode roller coasters. went to the columbus zoo , did Drunk bowling. It was a great trip to Ohio.
You have family there right?
Man it sounds like a great trip for you, woohoo good for you
PatrietteAz
07-02-2008, 11:47 AM
I was feeling dayum good, had a great walk, hubby bought me a just cause gift and placed it in my purse for me to find awww what a sweetie pie
Found out the Pats are playing the Panthers at home not in Charlotte:banghead::banghead::banghead:
Just found out so trying not to get to down on it, I know it is silly to get down about this but I am, was so excited to go to this game in 2009, guess don't place hopes on something that far down the line huh
So a mixed day
I am researching that for you as I was also VERY sure Pats were going to NC..
I am researching that for you as I was also VERY sure Pats were going to NC..
I know its silly to get down about this, hubby asked what's wrong on the phone for we were discussing this via phone and just said I was really really looking forward to this game to see my guys play
But I had a great walk, great weather, hubby got me a just cause gift and I had a great morning with my son so I am truly blessed
She did it the hard way. Bette Davis (Forest Lawn; Hollywood Hills, California)
Rules of Combat
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.
The easy way is always mined.
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions: a. When you're ready for them. b. When you're not ready for them.
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you. Claymores are labeled "This side toward enemy" for a reason.
If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is *not* our friend.
If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
When in doubt empty the magazine.
Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.
Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing nothing.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
Five second fuses only last three seconds.
It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
Tracers work both ways.
On average, 80 people shoot at the Goodyear blimp each year.
king of kings
07-02-2008, 11:54 AM
You have family there right?
Man it sounds like a great trip for you, woohoo good for you
no just my friend army buddy lives in columbus. everything was a lot cheaper there than in RI. I will be going there to tailgate the michigan Ohio state game.
In Miami in August, Levon Howard lost a shoot-out with his roommate Edwin Heyliger. Howard broke into Heyliger's room, angry that someone had drunk his Kool-Aid, and in the ensuing argument, both scrambled for guns.
no just my friend army buddy lives in columbus. everything was a lot cheaper there than in RI. I will be going there to tailgate the michigan Ohio state game.
wow sounds like a great plan for those two teams it gets heated woohoo good for you
In June 1995, in Liberty, Ohio, police officer Bradley L. Sebastian, tired of waiting for his food order at Denny's, stormed into the kitchen, held his gun to the cook's head, and told her he would kill her if she didn't hurry up.
Chances that a drug offense by a black U.S. juvenile with no prior jail time will result in imprisonment: 48 in 100,000. Chance that a drug offense by a white juvenile with no prior jail time will do so : 1 in 100,000
In 1471, a chicken in Basel, Switzerland, was accused of being 'a devil in disguise' after laying a brightly colored egg. The chicken stood trial, was found guilty and burned at the stake.
The LAPD purchased 40 semiautomatic paint-ball rifles in preparation for this the April 2000 Democratic convention.
Lincoln was shot on April 14, 1865 on Good Friday and in 1995 Good Friday was also on April 14. When Booth shot Lincoln, some people thought it was part of the play.
A hunter in Uganda is being sought by local authorities for illegally hunting gorillas. He shoots them with a tranquilizer gun and dresses them in clown suits. So far six gorillas have been found wandering around in this condition.
President Franklin Pierce was arrested while in office for running over an old woman with his horse, but the case was dropped for insufficient evidence in 1853.
According to a British law passed in 1845, attempting to commit suicide was a capital offense. The offense was punishable by hanging.
The bible is not only the best selling book of all time, it is also the best selling book EVERY year! But then, the Bible is the most shoplifted book in the USA.
A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.
The slogan on New Hampshire license plates is 'Live Free or Die.' These license plates are manufactured by prisoners at the state prison in Concord.
Burglars in Larch Barrens, Md., tried to cut through a safe using a Lazer Tag gun
Ben Chandler is the UK's most notorius criminal. He has been arrested over 100 times for crimes including drunk and disorderly, grand theft auto, murder and drug dealing, he has even got a cell in Camborne Police Station with his name on the chalk board all the time. He is only 17 years old!!!!
In St. Louis in October, 1994, according to police, Robert Puelo, 32, stole a hot dog from a 7-Eleven and left the store, cramming it into his mouth as he ran. Minutes later, Puelo choked to death on a 6-inch piece of the hot dog that lodged in his throat.
PatrietteAz
07-02-2008, 12:00 PM
In 1471, a chicken in Basel, Switzerland, was accused of being 'a devil in disguise' after laying a brightly colored egg. The chicken stood trial, was found guilty and burned at the stake.
Nice! :)
Nice! :)
I did a double take when I read this, did you read about the monkey yet?
This is why English is difficult
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
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