Save the Hawg's sorry ass

[dropKickMurphy]

It is time for all good members of Patriots Planet to come to the aid of their fellow Planeteer. As you probably have heard, hard times have befallen our beloved Hawg73. Apparently, Mrs.Hawg73 stumbled upon his precious stash of girlie jpeg files, the same photos that he has been generous enough to share with us on the Patriots Planet Girlie Pics thread.

Now I, personally, have always found his pictures to be well within the bounds of good taste. The lovely Mrs. H73, however did not take this discovery very well. She is reportedly ready to Bobbetize the Hawg unless he mends his ways. I am calling on all of you to unite in support of the Hawg in this, his hour of need.

What he needs are creative suggestions on ways that he can escape the dog house. Here are a couple to get the ball rolling:

1) We dispatch Hans Blix to the Hawg73 residence to verify that all the offending jpegs have been accounted for and destroyed. The final deadline for compliance shall be March 20 (http://www.ozjokes.com/jokes.asp?jokeid=1045) .

2) We arrrange to have Troy Brown personally deliver a dozen donuts to Mrs. Hawg73 (credit to the notorious Johnny Reb for that idea).

[Hawg73]

Originally posted by dropKickMurphy
2) We arrrange to have Troy Brown personally deliver a dozen donuts to Mrs. Hawg73 (credit to the notorious Johnny Reb for that idea).

It was actually Rixxx that came up with that one, wise guy. I knew you were a little overly amused by that story and I would pay for it somewhere down the road.

I can't believe that she got so worked up over it. I said to her "Jesus, they're fully clothed! You could see more skin in the SI swimsuit issue!!"

She replied that she wouldn't want me buying that either.

I can't win.

[Ottawapatty]

Here it goes, these are probably lame, but I am a little lame myself!

1) OK here is how we at the double P can help out! We get Hawg to post the Ms. Hawg's email address in a post along with a handful of her greatest attributes, (more eloquent than, "Nice rack") then we all co-ordinate at day and hour to email her saying how highly he speaks of her (maybe link to the post) and we profess what seems to be his undying love! Then we explain that it is us who are the bad influence and forced him into his sordid ways! Unfortuantly how could a Pats fan be a BAD influence, but lets suspend disbelief. So the key to this is the same a winning a football game -- playing off the same page, conviction and timing. We have at least 100 members right. If everyone emails in the same hour that is 100 emails all at once then a few of us can send a cute e-card ON TOP OF THAT then there is like almost 200 messages! A person can't ignore that!!!!

2) OK Hawg what you do! Try to rectify the situation -- follow the rules and make the necessary changes (for now) then after a week or so since the last mention of the incident (that is the key patience -- you want it to see spontanious not forced) you take off from work two or three hours early on like a Wednesday or Tuesday complaining of naseau or another illness! Then rush home to beat your wife (get home before her DON'T HIT HER LOL not that kind of beat you are not a Bears fan right) get there with the ingredients needed for a nice meal. I recommend Shrimp Pasta w/ bruchetta and nice white wine! Try this http://pasta.allrecipes.com/az/garlicshrimppasta.asp
it is easy and wicked crazy good!! Then about 20 minutes before she gets home you run a bath with a nice bath bomb or oil right using ONLY hot water!!! That way when after supper and drinks it is just the right temperature plus the oils have circulated properly!!!!

The first thing she will (or should) ask you when she gets home is, "What did you do?" to which you can reply nothing! Then continue to pamper her! Only talk about her, her day, her job, her friends and things that are of interest to her! No football, computer or PP talk cause that'll give it away! Just relax and maybe rent a movie too!

For EXTRA points when she asks why you did all this instead of replying because I love you or something simply say, "I was at work today and I was listening to the (radio/cd/whatever) and this song (whatever song you both dig) came on and I just realized how much I love you and I realized it had been a while since I last told you and -- more importantly showed you!" ***However this contains a lie, it was more premeditated than that! I DON'T condone, endorse or partake in the lying to spouses/signif. others so this is up to you!***

3) Rent a room this weekend at a nice hotel or BB -- ladies love that stuff -- whatever a bed is a bed to me, but it shows you care!

I'll post some more as they come to me! Good Luck, dude! If you want me to post my relationship credentials just let me know!

Matt

[Ottawapatty]

Originally posted by Hawg73
It was actually Rixxx that came up with that one, wise guy. I knew you were a little overly amused by that story and I would pay for it somewhere down the road.

I can't believe that she got so worked up over it. I said to her "Jesus, they're fully clothed! You could see more skin in the SI swimsuit issue!!"

She replied that she wouldn't want me buying that either.

I can't win.

Dude, I think I get it now! She doesn't care that you have those photos, she just doesn't like the amount of time you have spent getting them (albiet it doesn't take long -- it seems like it does). What I would do is start a folder on your compu and scan in photos you like of her! As many as you can find! A hope she finds it, B you could always use it to for throwing something together down the road if you forget a birthday/anniverssary/valintines/rented porn-behind-her-back emergency down the road!

Matt

Originally posted by dropKickMurphy
It is time for all good members of Patriots Planet to come to the aid of their fellow Planeteer.

Now I, personally, have always found his pictures to be well within the bounds of good taste. The lovely Mrs. H73, however did not take this discovery very well. She is reportedly ready to Bobbetize the Hawg unless he mends his ways.

The final deadline for compliance shall be March 20 (http://www.ozjokes.com/jokes.asp?jokeid=1045) .

This is just TOO damn funny :D. Okay I have the solution but Just like Mr. Biggs on Trading Places, the Crop Report is gonna cost you.

I started solving this by imagining that I am a high ranking Republican getting ready to launch the next smear campaign against Bill Clinton. Forgive me for politicizing this, I just got through responding to the latest politics thread.

So the Speaker of the House (Mrs. 73) has discovered a certain stain (girlie pics) on Bill Clinton's (Mr. 73) new suit (underwear.) The Speaker wishes to remove (castrate) the pictures from the hard drive (Mr. 73) while the other members (lil' Bill and the boys) are sleeping.

Here is what I recommend. It isn't pretty but it works.

1. Start surfing gay porn.

2. Repeat step one until your wife begins imploring you to surf girlie pics. This two step method has never been known to fail.

[dropKickMurphy]

Originally posted by NoRespect

1. Start surfing gay porn.

2. Repeat step one until your wife begins imploring you to surf girlie pics. This two step method has never been known to fail.

Of course, there is a risk involved here. After catching Mr. 73 surfing gay porn, Mrs. 73 could potentially react in any of the following ways:

- Demand that he redecorate the house.

- Ask him to do her hair

- Expect him to accompany her to Broadway musicals without complaiint

- Worst of all, she might even buy him a Kordell Stewart jersey for his birthday.

[pookie]

Hawg, Hawg, Hawg.... **Pookie shakes his head slowly**

I'm sorry to hear about your dilemna. I've been in that dog house my friend. But judging from the pictures you posted here, compared to some of mine and others', you hardly deserve this horrible mis-treatment.

I suggest you enlist in the help and counseling of the greatest male/female relationship doctor of all time... The one, the only, from patriots.com...... Stanley_Morgan.

You're welcome.

[dropKickMurphy]

Originally posted by Ottawapatty
...... get there with the ingredients needed for a nice meal. I recommend Shrimp Pasta w/ bruchetta and nice white wine! Try this http://pasta.allrecipes.com/az/garlicshrimppasta.asp
it is easy and wicked crazy good!! Then about 20 minutes before she gets home you run a bath with a nice bath bomb or oil right using ONLY hot water!!! That way when after supper and drinks it is just the right temperature plus the oils have circulated properly!!!! .....

Matt -

You're either
(a) The world's greatest husband.
(b) A guy who has A LOT of experience in getting in and out of the wife's doghouse.

In case of
(a): STOP IT RIGHT NOW, you're making the rest of us look bad!
(b) NICE WORK, Dude!

Seriously, after reading your post I was thinking "Jesus, that sounds so good, I'd let him do it to me!" And I'm not gay....at least I wasn't up till now. How long would it take me to drive to Ottawa, anyways?

[Hawg73]

I am laughing my friggin' ass off at this thread. Thank you for all the helpful :fire: suggestions. I don't even know where to begin to respond to all this, but one funny story:

I'm going on a cruise next week and a buddy of mine who is also going has been threatening to wear a thong on the ship. Believe me, this guy has no business wearing a thong.

I was attempting to find a picture of a fat guy in a thong to harass him with and every hit I got in Google led me into a gay porn site. Every one that seemed to be a likely candidate all have lead-ins that lure you in to pop-up hell. I got one that kept popping up new windows that I couldn't shut down fast enough and I finally told my wife about it in case there were tell tale signs or one popped up later.

She didn't seem the least bit interested about the gay porn. :thailor: It's the hot chicks pics that apparently threaten her existence.

[pookie]

Originally posted by Hawg73
It's the hot chicks pics that apparently threaten her existence.

Tell her it's ok and that she should live by Mrs. Pookie's theory of husband upkeep.

- "I don't care where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home."

or

- "You can look at the menu all you want, just as long as you don't order from it."

[freak]

Shouldn't that be "smack her lips off"?

Originally posted by dropKickMurphy
Of course, there is a risk involved here. After catching Mr. 73 surfing gay porn, Mrs. 73 could potentially react in any of the following ways:

- Expect him to accompany her to Broadway musicals without complaiint

From what I've read in the "Confessions" thread, he already does that.

Originally posted by FallingAlice
I was actually surprised by the quality of material available when I searched for "Russians on vacation." I was similarly surprised by the number of hits I got when I searched, "Fat men in thongs."

Unfortunately, all of those searches just seemed to bring up text references. Strangely, no one is really out there gathering up pictures of these guys.

I'll go check a gay "Bear" thread. In the meantime, this'll have to do. It was the logical next place to go.


Oh no Alice. I have to completely disagree. I don't know what I was thinking but I took up that search too. Yuckky. I can't believe the quality of the stuff either. Yuck!!! I am going to be haunted by that image for awhile. A fat man in a thong bending over is not a pretty sight. I couldn't even bring myself to save it. :Eason:

[dropKickMurphy]

Originally posted by NoRespect
Oh no Alice. I have to completely disagree. I don't know what I was thinking but I took up that search too. Yuckky. I can't believe the quality of the stuff either. Yuck!!! I am going to be haunted by that image for awhile. A fat man in a thong bending over is not a pretty sight. I couldn't even bring myself to save it. :Eason:

Is this what we've come to? There's enough brain power in this forum to solve the problems of the world. Instead we're scrounging up photos of fat guys' asses. And is this really helping Hawg73 to escape his desperate situation?
I think I once had a dish in a Chinese restaurant called "Guy Fat Thong". Thin strands of noodles served between steamed pork buns.

[dropKickMurphy]

...

[dropKickMurphy]

Put your left cheek in,
Put your left cheek out,
Put your left cheek in,
And you shake it all about.....

[pookie]

****In my best Chris Farley scream****

"For the love of God and everything that is good!!!!"

You guys have escalated this thread to a new level! Yukky is right NR. What's next? Squirrels with giant marble sacks?

I think freak nailed the oh so famous Stanley_Morgan phrase...... Hawg, if she's back talking ya, just lay some pipe and smack her lips off.
o:-)

[dropKickMurphy]

Originally posted by pookie
[BI think freak nailed the oh so famous Stanley_Morgan phrase...... Hawg, if she's back talking ya, just lay some pipe and smack her lips off.
o:-) [/B]

Yeah, but first he's gotta build up those six-pack abs on the Bowflex.

[SamBam39]

Hawg All you have to do is venture up to Old Orchard Beach, Me and get some pics of the Quebecois when they come down for summer vacation! ;)

You're welcome!!!!